Thursday, September 29, 2011

High Heels and Gravel Roads

My fashion sense has always lacked elan. I try, I really do, but I am never photographed on the red carpet. My fashion foibles started at a tender young age. I remember a picture of myself in which I was wearing blue and white vertically striped jeans with a yellow and red flowered midriff. I remember thinking that I was so cool in my bell bottoms and teeny little top. It didn't matter that the two patterns didn't match.

When I was barely into my teens I had a boyfriend who invited me to his family's Easter luncheon. I was over the moon. My Mom took me to pick out a cute outfit to wear. I ended up with a forgettable outfit but my shoes and hat were to die for. The hat was a huge tan straw affair that was about the size of a football field. Big floppy hats were all the rage at that time so I was super stylin'. My shoes were clunky wooden platforms with jute straps. They were quite high so I had some trouble walking on them.

On our farm the roads were rock. Big, chunky rocks that were hard to walk on. Especially if you were wearing super high heels. But I was so determined to wear those new shoes, I teetered and tottered up and down the rock road just stylin' and profilin'. I was super, super skinny so my legs looked like little toothpicks with knobby knees perched on top of skyscraper shoes. I bet I was a real sight to behold. A scary sight that is. It's hard to develop your style sense when the only people you can model for are cows. And they ain't people!

These days, I'm not super, super skinny any more. I have a tummy and thighs that betray me when I want to wear skinny jeans. I wear high heels for work but not the stacked kind. I'm afraid I'd break my neck. I use the excuse that I can't because I had back surgery and high heels make me hurt. Working for a cosmetics company doesn't help matters any either. The building is FULL of beautiful, well dressed women. Then there's me in my frumpy gunnysack and old lady short heeled sandals. I wear a toe ring...does that count towards fashion?

Maybe what I need to do is find another football sized floppy hat and some high heel shoes so I can teeter around looking fashionable. I might even try to locate some blue and white striped jeans and wear them with a yellow and red floral midriff. The fashion could offset my muffin top!

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