Monday, December 17, 2012

Bug out or stay put?

There is all kinds of crazy shit going on these days (probably no more than normal, it's just in our faces more with social media and all that). I've seen some interesting stuff in my life. It all started when I was about 3 months old and John F. Kennedy was assissanated. Some kook shot John Lennon. I waited in line for a long, long time to get gasoline during the energy crisis, I remember doing duck and cover drills in school in case the Russkies nuked us. In more recent years, I'll admit that I bought a roll of plastic for my doors and windows and prepared for iminent chaos when Y2K happened, I recoiled in horror over the Columbine shootings, I watched 9-11 unfold in real time and now I'm debating what to do for 12-21-12 - the end of the Mayan calendar.

My ex put it best the other day when we were visiting together with our girls and he told them that if something crazy happens, he wants to be at the epicenter of the combo earthquake tsunami solar flare - whatever, so he'll be gone before he has a chance to panic. I gave him directions to our "safe" place just in case. I'm sure he thinks we're crazy but it felt better to make sure that he knows we'll be expecting him if anything does happen.

One of my favorite sayings is 'ignorance is bliss'. I don't really know what's expected to happen at the end of the world and I sort of like it that way. That way, I won't worry too much. Manchild is  a little skeptical and a little nervous so he has a plan in case things go crazy but I can't decide whether to load up the pets and the kids and bug out just in case or whether to keep on keepin' on and rolling along like normal. He wants us close to him (just in case) but for some reason, I can't get jazzed up about carrying 3 cats, 1 large dog, 2 kids and all of our junk for 2 hours to the "safe" place. If the end of time is big enough to be the end of time, what difference will a hundred miles make? And if we're far away enough from all of the chaos, I'd still be worried about the fate of Goldyfish in my pond, and my family here and whether I have enough food in the bird feeder and my plants wilting due to the lack of watering. Worry here or worry there?

I have 4 days to ponder this and I guess I'll have to make a decision soon. But I'd rather try to ignore it and be ignorant. What are you going to do?

Saturday, December 15, 2012

How to shop when you can't shop.

I've been doing a lot of online shopping lately because driving a car is still a bit of a challenge. And you know what I discovered? Shopping online is EASY! It's AWESOME! You don't have to burn 35 gallons of gas in an effort to find candy cigarettes (which are very elusive) that no one sells anymore. And each time a package shows up on the doorstep it's like Christmas! Even it it's not Christmas time.

I've also learned some lessons while shopping online. Like, when something is priced at $3.00 which sounds too good to be true, it IS too good to be true. You'll probably end up spending $8.00 on shipping. I actually ended up paying $8.45 for shipping on a $3.00 item but it was something that's really hard to find so I had to cave on that one.

Buying online supplies you with enough packing peanuts to make a super huge bean bag (or shipping peanut) chair. I have 75,000 packing peanuts around my house which makes the cats really happy. I didn't realize how much fun could be had by playing with a packing peanut. But my cats showed me. Lucille the dog tried to eat some which wasn't so great because they weren't the starchy peanuts, they were the other (non-edible) kind. She didn't like me jamming my fingers deep into her mouth to retrieve it either. She didn't bite me but she gave me a very dirty look. Sorry Lucille.

I can't wait to give everyone the awesome gifts I obtained from online sources. I might just have to make them open everything early because a week is a long time to have to wait. And I'm not very patient. And since I'm still home on medical leave, I'm forced to walk past all of the gifts multiple times a day and try to ignore their cries of "open, open, open" over and over.

Happy holidays yall!

Sunday, December 2, 2012

I'm still breathing!

Howdy folks! I wanted to write a quick blog to prove that my surgery didn't kill me and that I did wake up. HOORAY! My doctor took pity on me on the day of my surgery and before I even went into the OR, he gave me some joy juice and I was out like a light. I don't even remember telling everyone goodbye!

Maybe he took pity on me because I was hyperventilating and crawling on the ceiling and had a death grip on the railings of the bed. Or maybe it was because I was hyperventilating and crying. Or hyperventilating with my eyes practically falling out of my head. Or hyperventilating.

Afterwords, I awoke with a big ol' neck brace on, and my throat was the size of a watermelon. Or not. But it was really swollen so I was forced to drink milkshakes for a few days. It's been 2 weeks now and I'm starting to feel like myself some. My throat still hurts and I sort of move like a robot but I've got a really cool scar. My story about how I got it is to say something like someone tried to jack my car and I had to fight them and got knifed in the process.

Cool scar, huh?