Friday, August 7, 2015


I've been in an unconscious process of figuring out who I am and what I want out of life. I'm normally a pretty happy go lucky, go with the flow, easygoing kinda gal but lately I've noticed that I've started questioning everything and everyone around me. I've questioned my parenting skills, my relationship with my spouse, wondered if I'm happy with my job, thought about what friends I have...everything! And it's sort of driving me a little crazy.

Growing up, I used to be one of those kinds of people who could not stand being alone. I would date people I knew weren't right for me just so I'd have someone to be with. I'd be friends with people who weren't nice to me just so I'd have someone to be with. After being by myself for a few hours, I'd almost go into a panic. Move forward many years and I think I've figured out what caused my issues. When I was young, I lived in the country with no friends nearby. I felt very lonely the entire time I lived there. I think that's why as I got older, I was determined never to be alone again. Once I figured that out, being by myself was much easier. I still don't like to be alone for long periods of time, but I'm much better at it than I used to be.

Throw on having kids and a job and responsibilities, and alone time is beginning to sound a little better. I still don't like extended periods of being alone but a day or two is actually quite nice.

Does this mean I'm growing up?

Thursday, August 6, 2015

A Leg Up...Or Off

I've had an offbeat sense of humor my whole life and I'm dang proud of it. My sense of style and decorations are a little odd as well. I like that fact that anyone can enter my home and find a treasure trove of odd/interesting items. 

A few years back I got the idea in my head that I wanted an artificial leg. I'm not sure why - I just thought it would be funny/interesting.

A relative got wind of my crazy idea and informed me that she worked at a VA hospital, and had found a discarded leg in a storage closet. She got it for me and for a time, I had a thigh high artificial leg complete with old, saggy sock and clunky man's shoe. I kept the leg in various places around my home as a twisted, demented "decoration". 

My nephew (who is more twisted than I will ever be) spied the leg one day and asked me to borrow it. Since I wasn't actually using it, I agreed to let him take it for a while. I found out later that he would put himself in a public place, wearing the leg, and purposely "fall" and have the leg skitter across the floor. He did this prank in a Wendy's hamburger joint and at the entrance to a grocery store. He used to have the event on film but I can't seem to locate the videos any more or else I'd show you. Suffice it to say that he got lots of strange looks from people around him when he'd fall.

As it usually goes when you loan something to a young person, I never saw my leg again. An artificial leg people!!! How does something like that get misplaced????? Anyhoooooooo, once my leg was lost, I never got another one. My brother attempted to give me a leg up (get it? har de har har) by procuring a plaster mold for a future leg.

I drove the iron pipe into the ground in my garden with the plaster "thigh" up in the air but it never looked very artistic to me. It looked phallic. Like a big ol' white pecker growing up out of the ground. I kept it around for a few months but I never warmed up to it so I finally sent it to the giant plaster factory in the sky. My brother offered me another leg mold but I figured it would probably look like the one I had so I passed on the offer. I've got to give it to my bro - who on earth would think to look for leg molds for his kid sister like he did? That's what makes him so special. And wanting a leg mold OR an artificial leg makes me kind of special, too. 

The leg phase is over. Now, I prefer to place actual sized heads (practice dummies for haircuts) in various places to startle people. I even have one at work. But that's another story for another day.

Wednesday, August 5, 2015

I saved (gag) a worm! (gag)

I saved a worm this morning. I think I might of injured or 1/2 killed it in my attempt to save it but at least I tried. A fairly large rain storm blew through and when I went onto the back patio to view the yard, I noticed that there was a stranded worm. It was a long way from the flowerbed and would have probably dried out before it could make it back to the dirt so I decided to "help" it.

Let me preface this by saying that worms make me vomit. Seriously, if I see a worm up close and too personal, I will instantaneously vomit. They gross me out so horribly, I can't stand to look at them much less handle one. So when I attempted to pick up the stranded worm with a putty knife so I could flick it over to the dirt, the gagging began. 

What made matters worse was that the worm was apparently an acrobatic worm. As soon as I attempted to lift it off the ground, it started wiggling and flopping and flailing all over the place! Cue gagging round # 2. 

I have absolutely no idea whatsoever what made me decide to "help" the one thing that makes me puke. I mean, I could have rescued it only to puke on it and have my stomach juices kill it instantly! I didn't but I did sort of mangle it. Repeated attempts to lift a soft, wiggly worm off of rough, pebbly concrete with a sharp object just never seems to turn out well.

That worm was slightly...segmented by the time I got finished with it. It was still wiggling when it hit the dirt so I'm hoping it's underground in my garden, aerating the soil and making my plants grow better. There might actually be TWO worms now, since I helped it replicate. That's OK, more soil turned. Right?