Thursday, September 8, 2011

Bugging Ms. Pearce

As much as I love my wonderful manchild, he's a great big pest. He's gruff, has a very deep voice, frowns most of the time and looks sort of scary. And it's all fluff. He's my 12 year old's intellectual equal. He loves nothing more than pulling pranks on unsuspecting victims. He loves to tell scary stories to scare my kid. He loves to scare the ladies he works with and this is where the story begins.

I might have mentioned earlier that my Mr. Wonderful is a super cop. He carries a big gun, a taser and handcuffs and if you didn't know him you might be a tad intimidated. Everyone who knows him very well knows that's not the truth. A favorite victim of his is a lady known as Ms. Pearce. She's an older woman who works in his squad room and she's a little bit jumpy to put it mildly. He's always coming up with ways to scare the pee-waddly out of her. You'd think she'd be wise to his trick whenever they're together but she isn't.

One time, my beloved had a contraption that consisted of a wooden box with a furry thingy sticking out of it. The box was labeled "DANGER - Mongoose. Keep Away. He asked her if she'd like to see the mongoose. He coaxed her into putting a little bit of candy by the hole to feed the animal in the hopes that it would come out and eat it. When she was comfortable doing that, he pulled a lever and the top (which was spring loaded) sprang open and the furry thing flopped out towards her hand. It scared her so much, she jumped straight up on a bench and screamed as if it had bitten her hand off.

Another favorite trick of Manchild's is to employ a small stick by putting it under the desk and tickling Ms. Pearce's leg. He performs this trick at least once a month. One particular occasion started out with him telling a story about a snake called a coach whip. It's a black snake that eats rodents. If there's tall grass, the snake will stand up and peer way over the top of the grass looking for prey.

The scenario started out with a fellow co-worker asking Mr. Man about coach whip snakes. This
co-worker called Manchild and asked what a coach whip was. He told her that it was a snake that sticks it's head up above the grass. Ms. Pearce apparently  told the co-worker that someone had found one out in the pasture by where they all worked. The co-worker asked Mr. Man if the snake would chase a person. He confirmed it and she stared laughing and told him that Ms. Pearce said that that particular snake would chase you and whip you and then stick it's tounge up your nose to see if you're still breathing.

The next day, Mr. Man talked to Ms. Pearce about the whole thing and they had a good laugh about the wives tale about the snake sticking it's tounge up a person's nose. He then told her about a black snake he had found outside his house a few days before. Ms. Pearce was really involved in computer work at the time and Mr. Man let the conversation die for a few moments. While Ms. Pearce was working she asked him if he was scared of snakes. "Naw" he said. Unbeknownst to Ms. Pearce, he had a bamboo stick in his hand and he bent under the cubicle where all he could see was her cop boots. He had to bend down really low without her seeing, so he could reach her ankles with the stick. He tickled her and in one motion, she screamed, jumped straight up and her chair flew backwards. Then she gave him the look of a million cuss words.



That's just one of many tricks he's pulled on that poor woman.
If you're lucky, I'll tell you a few more.

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