Wednesday, March 29, 2017

Microwave Guts and Wood

I'm the type of artist who views a piece of art in public, then goes home and tries to recreate it. Why spend $400-500 on a piece when I can recreate it in 25,000 easy steps and 6 months of labor?!?

 One day while surfing the net I saw something called fractal wood. It's a process where baking soda and water is applied to wood then electricity is applied and voila - beautiful, mysterious burn patterns appear. I decided this was a project I could take on and master but I needed some supplies first.

I needed a slab of wood so I got one. I needed baking soda water so I made some. I needed an electrical source and that's when the fun started. I watched an instructional video where a gentleman used a microwave transformer and I just happened to know where to get my hands on one, so I got a transformer - but I had to dismantle a microwave first.

Sounds easy peasy, right? Yes it was however - I am not well educated in matters pertaining to electricity so it really scares me, and I was about to dive into something that is capable of generating 2000 volts of the sparkly stuff. The gizmo shown above is called a capacitor and I've been told that the thing can shock the holy shit out of you if you accidentally discharge it. I had to remove it from the microwave in order to get to the transformer so I was really nervous to reach into the guts of the machine. I had one eye shut, my face screwed up with concentration and a silent prayer running through my head the entire time.

I had visions in my head of making a mistake, getting shocked and watching my hair fly out of my scalp and landing on the floor in a little pile.

Sounds of "zing, zap, poof" and my hair would gently float to the ground.

Luckily, the extraction went well and my hair is still intact. I've got the capacitor in a safe place where I won't set it off, and my transformer is ready to go. Now all I have to do is figure out how to hook the transformer up to an electrical source and find a way to connect battery charger clamps to all of that so I can get to zapping. I'm thinking that maybe I should ask someone how to do that rather than plugging a bare wire into the wall socket. I'd probably have a pile of hair on the floor if I did that!  It kind of reminds me of the time as a kid when I stuck a bobby pin into the wall socket.............

Thursday, March 23, 2017

Tiger Spray

A while back I took my daughters to a local big cat rescue sanctuary. It was a gorgeous place with lots of HUGE, beautiful big cats of all kinds. There were tigers, lions, cougars, leopards,cheetahs, bobcats, lynx, servals, ocelots and a few random coatimundis and lemurs and we were left awestruck to see such majestic creatures up close and personal.

We took our sweet time wandering around the various enclosures and made huge fools out of ourselves by talking and meowing and nearly every cat. As if those big kitties spoke house cat! We don't speak tiger or any other big cat language so we had to improvise.

When we got around to the tiger enclosure we noticed that there were lots of signs posted, warning us not to get on the ass end of that particular kind of cat. Apparently, they like to shower you with "love". The staff members also verbally warned us so you'd have to be deaf or blind not to know that if a tiger backs up to you and lifts it's tail, you're going to get sprayed! 

As we were watching the tigers roam around and play I noticed a lady and her child watching them, too. Now picture this...we're at a beautiful, peaceful place with exquisite wild animals and this lady's kid is behaving like a total brat. She's screeching loudly that she's thirsty and she doesn't care about tigers and the whole place is stupid. And the mother is ignoring her instead of making her shut the hell up and quit annoying all of the other guests. And then, in steps good old Mr. Karma.

I love Karma. Especially when it comes to dumb asses who bother every other person on the planet. You see, the screaming brat and her apparently Valium overloaded mother were not paying attention to the signs and staff members. And they did not notice a friendly 300 pound 4 foot tall tiger sauntering up to them, turning around, lifting it's tail and taking aim. And then it happened...

Oh yes, that tiger did it! Right in the face of that little girl and her mama. And not a little spritz either - it looked like a high pressure hose squirting out of the ass end of that tiger! Those two were sprayed head to toe with fragrant secret sauce and because the girl was busy screaming, I'm sure she got a mouth full.

I'm fairly certain that I saw a few staff members snickering and I shamelessly laughed out loud. And maybe, just maybe the tiger grinned a little bit, too. That's what those two get for being so annoying and unpleasant!

Let this be a lesson in a number of areas; don't be a loud jerk out in public, don't let a tiger back up to you and lift it's tail and don't sample the flavor of tiger secret sauce. Just ask that little girl. She'll tell you.