Friday, January 13, 2012

What the heck-fire?!?

 






















OK, peeps. I've been cruising blog sites for a while now - looking for a good read and I've noticed something; everyone who posts is beautiful, has 2.5 adorable well dressed children, well groomed dogs, they travel to fabulous places over the holidays, they go out as families and pick blueberries then go home to make pies. WHO ARE THESE FOLKS??? They're like Stepford people!!!

I post horrible pictures of myself and the kidlets. I brag about my love of burning bonfires and drinking beer. I admitted to accidentally flashing my boobie at my
co-worker! I tell stupid, silly (but true) stories about my goofy life. I like goofiness. I don't want to get dressed up in nice clothes and travel as a family to a fruit patch, clutching pretty baskets so we can pick berries and make pies.

I want to take my girlies to the roller derby for a once in a lifetime experience! I want them to see a concert. I keep track of roadkill I've seen and I'm not even a wildlife ranger. I gripe about gaining weight. I laugh at myself when I try to put on my Wanks (remember, they're the cheap version of Spanx). I grab people's feet under toilet stalls thinking I'm pranking my kidlets. I ruin dinner in my lame attempts at cooking.

In short, I want to laugh for a few minutes. Hearing about how someone totally
re-did their house in one weekend and was featured in Better Homes & Gardens just makes me depressed. I'd rather hear about someone accidentally farting in front of their preacher, or losing their dentures when trying to eat, or falling down when crossing the stage to accept their diploma. You know - stupid human stuff. I like knowing that there are other goofy, clumsy, slightly deranged people just like me out there.

Here are some doozies:










 Stylish children 


 Handsome Hubby - very professional
Handsome hubby, Perfectly groomed pets! Strong family values with no reference to any kind of violence...ever.

And did you see a single fruit basket or homemade pie in any of these pictures? Hell no you didn't. I'm a weird-o. I want my family to be weird-os, too.


2 comments:

  1. yeah, every time I hit the 'next blog' button, I get nothing but picture perfect SCRAPBOOK BLOGS about some family and their love. Shudder.

    I'm still waiting for your jerseylicious makeover!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Uh, you should see the dog hair tumble weeds and the chicken poop in my house and yard respectively.

    ReplyDelete