Friday, January 20, 2012

Don't Go!



 My daughters' father is a nice man. I like him. I don't think we made such a great married couple but he's a good and loyal friend. I only want the very best for him. This brings me to the story for today.

The job market has been sort of unkind to my kid's father. I'll call him "L" for short. He is a brainiac computer wizard something or another and his job is fairly specialized so it's not really like he'll find 50 listings for his type of position. He got laid off in July and has not been able to land a good gig yet. I feel badly for him. He was like a fish out of water for a while.

Some of us in this world can handle change and surprises. He is not one of them. He's held 2, count them - 2 jobs in his professional life. I can't imagine only having had 2 jobs. I've had zillions of them before I found my niche. His layoff just about did him in. It made me very sad. As it is with many people these days, he's spent hours and days and months trying to find another job. If he doesn't find something soon he's going to have to take some drastic actions.


We lived in a very nice, very large home and when we divorced, I was the one who moved out. I hadn't worked in many years and once I found a job, the salary was extremely small compared to what he was making. I couldn't afford the house even if I wanted to. So in the years since we divorced he's kept the girl's home just that - their home. Now that his job prospects are looking so grim and he's having to dip into his savings account he's having to face the tough choice of considering selling the house. The girls don't want him to do it. He doesn't want to do it. I don't want him to do it but he's gotta do what he's gotta do.

In an attempt to fix a few things that needed fixing, he started going through some stuff that had accumulated in the 21 years we were married and the years since I've been gone. We were sort of like hoarders - we liked stuff and didn't like getting rid of things. We weren't anywhere near ready to go on the A&E show but we did collect a lot of stuff. I took a few things but knew that there were rooms and closets and attics that needed to be cleansed. One of the first steps in the process was to clear out some furniture that was in the way. That helped take some of the sting out of getting rid of it. I watched the piano being loaded up into a truck and when the people started to drive off I lost it. I just started crying like a little baby.
My grandmother gave me a lovely piano when I was a kid and I've had it ever since. I wanted to put it in the house where I live now, but there's not a place. I finally decided to offer it up to anyone at my work who wanted it. I didn't want money for it - it was a gift to me and I was going to pay it forward and make it a gift to someone else as long as they swore they'd give it a good home, take care of it and most of all, enjoy it. There was a lady who took me up on my offer and I think she was really excited about it.
I was watching an important item of my life leave for good. I sort of felt like I did the day I moved out of the house L and I shared for 14 years. I was overwhelmingly sad.
I know that L and I are going to have to go through the house and divide up stuff and de-clutter but boy is it going to be hard! It's going to feel like it did when L and I broke up - 'you take this and I'll take that' type of thing. I'll be OK because I've moved and know what it feels like to let go of a place I had lived in for 15 years. Like I said before, he doesn't like change or surprises. This will be both. I suggested to him that we take the task on a little at a time.

With any luck at all, he will find a great job and won't have to move but at least the place will have a lot less clutter. Because clutter can become oppressive. And we need happiness here, people! My goal is to help clean out the house and NOT carry 17 truckloads of stuff to my current home. I'm sure I'll see some stuff I haven't seen in years and think to myself that I really might need it one day. So yall wish me luck and strength to just say no to most things. And yall might wish L good luck in finding a job because I really don't want him to move away. And I really don't want the girls to lose their childhood home.


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