Ah, new years. A time to start anew and maybe correct the errors of the previous year. I don't usually make resolutions because I know I'll never keep them. But this year I might make an exception. I want to be healthy and look good. This means I'm going to have to bite the bullet and start exercising.
I am very fortunate to work for a company that has an on site fitness center. There is no reason why I can't find time to use it. I wake up before the roosters so I could go in early and work out. I could take 30 minutes after work and exercise. Heck, I could go exercise on my lunch hour so there really aren't any good excuses. I just need some intestinal fortitude and determination. Does anyone have any? Because I don't seem to have it.
I've already been instructed on how to use the weight machines so I figure my exercising can go one of two ways. I can get really thin or I can become a body builder. I mean, why be in the middle? Anyone can be in the middle, so I should be one or the other, right? Nah.
I can't be anorexic because I like food too much. Besides, I don't want to poke anyone by being too bony. I don't think I could be a bodybuilder because I don't use tanning booths any more. And bodybuilders are always super tan. That and the fact that bodybuilders always have bikini tops that are way too small. I don't want to show that much skin. And I don't like wearing baby oil on my body because I'd get everything greasy. So see? I've got good reasons.
I guess I'll make my first step to be actually going up to the gym. Thinking about it doesn't accomplish much. I don't want to do yoga because I've heard that it's really common to pass gas while doing it and I don't want someone who knows me, to hear me root a toot toot. I can't do aerobics and even when I could, I'd get to laughing so hard I'd lose the beat and mess up. I can't run because I laugh when I run and tend to fall down. I think that once I master actually going, I'll try using the weight machines. I don't have to lift 500 pounds to do my body good. And I'll be seated for most of the exercises so I don't have to worry about tripping over my own two feet. I can get away with grunting and groaning because isn't that what people who lift weights do? Yep, lifting weights seems like the perfect thing to do.
I hope I actually live up to my resolution. Be sure to send any excess willpower and intestinal fortitude my way because I'm going to need it. Sending good karma would be nice, too. When I master working out, I'll share the same with you if you need it.