Thursday, January 19, 2012

I got caught again...

I got caught doing something embarrassing again at work. You see, there are cameras everywhere so if I've got sagging hosiery or a mean wedgie, chances are that I'll be seen correcting the problem. Oh sure, I could go into the ladies room and adjust but it but usually I'm speeding to a conference room for a meeting and the crotch of my hose is rubbing my kneecaps, and I'm not going to take the time to run across the building for a bathroom. I'm going to find what I hope is a camera free hallway and hike those puppies up!

I'm not very subtle so my hose hiking maneuvers are pretty dang obvious. I grunt and groan, kick my legs all over the place, do a few squats to make sure the crotch is at MY crotch...you know, the usual L'eggs dance.

Wedgies aren't much better. I've master the "stand and pull" technique but sometimes my underoos get a little too...embedded to be subtle about it. Oh come on now, don't act all grossed out - you know you've had a killer wedgie before. Some of them almost hurt!

Anyway, as is the usual for me, I had a wedgie that just wouldn't quit and I HAD to fix it. I was in our elevator that just happens to be glass fronted but I was on a floor where it's not visible to the atrium. I figured I had a good 30 seconds before the elevator started to rise and would be visible for all to see but I wasn't quick enough. Mid-yank I rose up enough that anyone in our atrium could see that I was fighting the wedgie beast. There wasn't anywhere I could hide so I yanked my hand around my skirt to make it look like I was fluffing the fabric but I don't think I fooled anyone. Any woman who happened to look my way probably knew that I was putting about 700 psi worth of torque, trying to dislodge my offensive undies. Oh well, at least I wasn't flashing my boobie at a co-worker again.

I happened to be at my brother's house one time and I noticed that he kept squirming and adjusting his sweatpants in the crotch area. I was starting to think that he must of had crabs or something, judging by the way he was wiggling around.  Finally, he uttered a couple of curse words and jammed his hand down into his sweatpants and literally ripped his underwear off of his body. He told me that that particular set of drawers were cut wrong and they had a hole in a vital area and he never could get comfortable in them so he got so fed up, he ripped them off and threw them away.  That's one way to fix the problem! I don't think I can do that at work when I've got wedgie-wears on. I might freak everyone out.

Don't worry if you get caught adjusting. Everyone does it, they just usually manage to find a private spot to correct things. Me, I'll take my chances. If it's too uncomfortable, I'm going to tug and pull until I make things right. That's just the way I roll, people.

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