Who the HELL wants white carpet??

When I bought my house I felt confident that it had been well maintained and cared for. The neighbors raved about how good the man of the house was at fixing up things. Well, I beg to differ.

I've installed a few light fixtures since I moved in and let me tell ya, it was scary how the previous ones were wired. Most didn't have junction boxes or support systems. They were just crammed into the sheet rock with bare wires twisted together. Can you say fire hazard???

The other thing that has turned out to be the bane of my existence is the damn, f%#*&ing WHITE carpet that covers the main area of the house. WHO IN THE HOLY FREAKIN' HELL PICKS WHITE CARPET????? Any time a flea farts, there's a stain on the carpet! I have two large oak trees in front of my home and let me tell you, it doesn't matter what time of year it is, there are going to be leaves strewn around over the damn WHITE carpet.

One of my kitties, Pork Chop, throws up a lot. Not sure why but she does. Anyway, she upchucks at least once a week and she has managed to totally ruin the carpet in my den because her upchuck is sorta red colored and it leaves a "lovely" pink stain in my freakin' stupid WHITE carpet.

The people before me had kids. Granted, they were in their late teens but still...they should have known that picking WHITE carpet was a really stupid idea. Hell, my 18 year old tracks in all kinds of shit. She tries to be careful but between her and her friends (all 200 of them that cycle through here during the day) they've trashed the path that leads from the front door to her room.

In my office someone wore shoes that had grease on them so now, I have black stains that won't wash out. I'm telling you, I want to pull my hair out! This is the first ever HUGE purchase I've made on my own. Manchild in no way contributes to the cost of this home. It's all on ME. No one helps me. This is MY home. My first. And I'm damn proud of it, even if it does have shitty wiring. I'd love to rip out the dang stinkin' stupid ass WHITE carpet but I don't have enough clams to put something else down in it's place. Every single cent of my money goes towards my kids or my home expenses. I might be lucky to have $100 left over for extras each month.

Now, I have to admit that my ex passed along the steam carpet cleaner to me since he doesn't have carpet any more. I've steamed the holy hell out of the carpet but the stains remain. It's freaking WHITE carpet for cripes sake!!! In about a month we managed to have that carpet looking like crap and that bugs me. I'm not claiming to be a great housekeeper but DANG! No matter how much I clean, that carpet isn't going to look good.

I think I'm going to take up a fund. I'll charge my oldest kidlet's friends a dollar every time they come over and walk through the house. And I'll have a lemonade stand and a garage sale and maybe stand on the ledge of a tall building and threaten to jump unless someone rips the stupid WHITE carpet out of my house. If any of you know a carpet dude who has something for really cheap let me know, will you? Because if you don't you'll probably see me on the side of the road dancing in a costume. Only, I won't be advertising a business, I'll be advertising the raffle of the stupidest piece of WHITE carpet there ever was.