As usual, I started out doing one thing and got sidetracked so I thought I'd give you a taste of what my day has been so far. I decided to cover my gray hairs so I colored my hair. While I was doing that I decided to work on my little fish pond. There's enough moss in there to feed an army of moss eaters and it's getting to the point where I can't see my fish, Goldiefish, Goldiefish and Spot. The pond has 2 tiers so I decided to start small and do the top area first - just in case I got sidetracked.
The water was downright gross and I'm sure my fishies were gasping for oxygen. I finally found a tube to drain it with after trying about 20 other items. I got the tube positioned in the water and got down at the other end and gave it a good suck to get the water flowing. The tube was sort of see through so I could see how close the gross water was getting to my mouth. I sucked on it ONCE and got a mouth full of scum water! Blecch!!!!! The water started flowing so I immediately did what any good redneck girl would do. I went and popped open a beer to wash my mouth out. Because you know that beer has alcohol in it and I needed some alcohol to kill the germs.
By this time, it was time to rinse the lovely color out of my hair so I tended to that for a while. Next, I decided to wax my bikini area because it was winter and I hadn't tended to things for quite a while. I have a home waxing kit so I was all set to go. There's a problem with home waxing when you have a back that won't flex and you can't get to the area that needs waxing. The directions on the box clearly state that it's important to pull the skin taut when yanking on the wax strips because bruising could occur. Well, I'm not going to show you a picture of my bikini wax bruises because I don't want your eyes to rot and fall out but I bet you can get the idea. My garden of Eden is now dark purple. And to add insult to injury, after all of the bruising and discomfort of waxing, I still have foliage that needs tending. I tell you, this girl can't catch a break.
It's only 2:00 in the afternoon and I have hours to fill my day. I'm off tomorrow because my kidlet doesn't have school so I can stay up as late as I want which will probably be 9:30 or so. Because I'm a real party animal.
As I sit here, typing my story of stupidity, I have noticed that I can see myself in the computer screen because I'm outside and it's bright. In looking at myself I have noticed that I have 2 tiny little pimpies on my face. I tried to get rid of them by looking in the reflection of the screen and attacking them, but all I accomplished was to over-squeeze so now I have 2 bloody areas on my cheek.
I know for an absolute fact that I am a detriment to myself. If given too much free time, I'm going to do something to mar my appearance rather than improve it. If I don't do that, I'll try to "fix" something around the house and ruin it, causing more dollars in repair than if I had hired someone to do it. But you know what? I'm also laughing at myself because I'm such a dork. And laughing is good for the soul, so I guess I'll keep on doing what I do. Besides, you'd be bored and have lower self esteem if I didn't provide you with so many stories of my stupid adventures.
So enjoy, hopefully laugh at me and know that you can't pick zits successfully by looking at your reflection in a computer screen, you'll get a mouthful of scum water if you suck on a tube which is placed in a pond of scum water, and for Pete's sake - if you're needing a bikini wax....let a professional do it!
wow, i had no idea that waxing could cause major bruising! i've tried waxing my upper lip but had crappy results because clearly i was doing it wrong. now i just shave it, but i don't tell my husband that. might freak him out to find out that his wife shaves her face.
ReplyDeletepond water down the gullet? IIIICCKK!!