Tuesday, May 29, 2012

Big ass guns? No worries!

Mr. Wonderful has a new toy. It's some type of huge ass rifle that weighs about a zillion pounds, is a mile long and is louder than a sonic boom when it fires. He's been cleaning it and polishing it and adoring it and making it look all pretty and bragging about it every chance he gets it. It never leaves his side - hell, we sleep with it right next to the bed!

This past weekend, we were at the little house in the woods, the gun was there naturally, and Manchild decided that he could fulfill my wildest dream (according to him) by letting me shoot the beast as I like to call it. Oh joy of joys (cue the harps and angels singing), the clouds in the skies parted, golden beams of sunlight shone down, birds chirped and I fell to my knees - overcome with joy. Meeee? Reeeeealllllyyyyyy? I get to shoot the beast? Was I worthy??? I mean, my manicure was 3 days old and my hair wasn't freshly coiffed. Oh, lucky me.

The first time I shot a rifle during my inaugural days as a part time redneck, it took me many tries before I was brave enough to even pull the trigger. I finally conquered my fears and became a weekend fan of shooting big can beer cans. Part of my joy in shooting is the fact that Mr. Man can strut and postulate, pontificate and preen, lock, load, aim and fire aaaannnnnndddd.......... miss on the first try. I've been fortunate enough to timidly pick up the proffered rifle, struggle to hold it up long enough to aim, fire and nail the target on the FIRST shot. I was never annoying enough to strut and crow because I was superior. I would simply shrug and smile and gently put the gun down.

This particular weekend since Mr. Man decided I was worthy of shooting his newest beloved hunk-o-iron, I figured I'd really bungle the shot since 10 people were watching, I had never fired such a huge cannon and to tell the truth - I was scared. This gun is SO big, is has a bi-pod so it can be rested on a table and the only thing that has to be lifted is the back end. I lifted up the 250 lb. hiney end of the gun, took aim, held my breath and fired.

 The way the target I hit flew up into the air was spectacular! It tumbled gracefully end over end and when it landed, I fired and hit it again, setting off another round of aluminum acrobatics. Hooray for me! No one else who fired the beast (including 2 seasoned law enforcement officers) hit the target on the first try and made it dance the way I did. Just little ole' me. The girl who had never fired the beast before.

As I placed the 250 lb. hiney end of the gun on the table, I shrugged my shoulders, smiled and walked back to the group of ladies I had been sitting with. And when the men walked away to look at the target that I had just annihilated, I got high fives from all of the lady folk. Boo-yah! Big ass guns? No worries!

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