Confusing Times

Have you ever had someone in your life that you know is bad for you but you still can't erase them from your mind? I have someone like that. This person has been rattling around my brain for the better part of 35 years. He was rotten to me way back when and is still rotten to me. The last encounter I had with him ended terribly. He lied to me (just like he did back then) and left a bad taste in my mouth so to speak. I knew I shouldn't have trusted him. I KNEW it and yet, once again, I was a sucker. The only difference between now and when I was a youngster is that I had my guard up and I didn't end up with a broken heart. Thank gosh.

I had a chance to see him again yesterday - 3 years after he lied to me and let me down yet again and I almost went. But common sense got the better of me. I think that the only reason I would have gone would have been to spew mean words at him to try and hurt him. It wouldn't have done any good. If he didn't care enough to tell me the truth 3 years ago, why would things be any different? A leopard doesn't change it's spots.

So why do I let such a schmuck bother me? It pisses me off that the jerk can still get under my skin! Who's the chump? Me! I know that he knows he did something really wrong to me because he didn't bother to notify me that he was coming into town and normally he would call me first out of all of our friends. So, I know he has a teeny weeny grain of conscience. Actually, I'm slightly insulted that he didn't call me. Because I didn't get to have the pleasure of telling him to frick off and slamming the phone down in his ear. Maybe that's what is bugging me so much. He shat upon me the last time I saw him and I haven't gotten to retaliate. The only thing I got to do to him for doing me wrong was to drop him off at the airport early in the morning, leaving him to wait for a flight out of town, all...day...long. And that was no where near the punishment he deserved.

I'm sure the sting will fade in time. But I'm still pissed that it even stings to begin with. I hate being a sucker.