Monday, April 29, 2013

Wait...yall are together?

About 5 years ago my kidlet's dad and I split up. It was a very sad time and it was really hard on everyone involved. I'm still sad about it. Fortunately, we had a very civil, smooth divorce process. Heck, when it came time to go to court to finalize everything, we sat together until it was our turn to stand before the judge. I never wanted any nastiness and it was extremely important to me for he and I to remain friends. I had spent 1/2 my life with him for Pete's sake and we had the kids to think about. At first he was really angry with me and didn't want much to do with me which I can perfectly understand but after a while, he mellowed and now I think we have a very nice relationship.

This past weekend, I was taking young kidlet to his house for the week and I proposed that the three of us go to dinner together at a local hamburger joint where our oldest kidlet works. We proceeded to walk to the restaurant and have dinner then roam around the center where the restaurant was located because there was a festival going on. As we were strolling we came across some old friends that we hadn't seen in a long time. While we were catching up, I mentioned to my friend that I had remarried 3 years ago. She was completely flabbergasted that I was remarried and yet there I was, strolling and having a nice time with my ex.

I've encountered quite a few people that seem surprised that me and my ex can enjoy one another's company and have nice times together with our children. I say "why the heck not??" It's good for our kids to know that we can still be friends, they have a good knowledge of what parents do for their children and how they work together and above all else it shows them that no matter what happens between Mom and Dad, the kid comes first. And Mom and Dad will always be there for them.

I've been witness to many contentious divorces among my friends and in the end it seems like the people that get hurt the most are the kids. The parents knowingly or not put their kids into the fight and I don't think that it's right at all. The kids didn't ask for their parents to break up. They didn't ask to be shuffled from one parent's house to the other. They didn't ask for a setup where they have to contend with refereeing the parents. And THAT is why I want to do everything in my power to show my kids that their dad and I are a united front. And we can actually get along. Just because we broke up, we can still be friends and do things together with our kids. Because that's how we started out and that's how we'll finish.

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