Tuesday, April 16, 2013

Personal grooming busted?

I like being at the little house in the woods because there's no one around. I could walk around outside nekkie and no one would see me. But I wouldn't do that because I don't want to cause a mass migration of freaked out critters to Belize or somewhere far away.

Some mornings when the light is just right I like to sit on the porch and take care of a little personal grooming. I tweeze and trim with wild abandon but usually, a disturbing thought enters my mind. 'What if there's a hunter creeping through the woods and he sees me?' That would be a sight!

Imagine this... a middle aged, slightly overweight naked woman, hunched over her protruding belly trying to trim her toenails. That in itself is a real sight because since I had back surgery a) I can't bend over and b) I can't reach my feet unless I contort my body in very strange ways, and even then, I can't reach all of my toes. And of course, I don't want Manchild to see me nekkie in broad daylight! That's why they make soft pink light bulbs - so that the flesh looks smoother and lovelier. Really! The next time you're in a strip joint, notice how red lights are used over the stage. It helps hide a multitude of sins. Never been to a strip joint? Try it! It's fun. And there are some very nice girls that work there (as mentioned in my post 11/2011 Strip Clubs Have Nice Girls (NO, I do not know how to link things!)).

And speaking of being in unconventional stages of undress, it's not just me. Manchild mows the yard in his boxers! You heard me right - his boxers. He doesn't bother to get dressed, he just slips on his ratty, stinky sneakers and away he goes
I respect that he's so comfortable in his own skin. He lets it all hang out and never tries to suck in his belly. And his theory about wearing boxers when he mows is that he's going to get all grassy and dirty so why mess up clean clothes? Makes sense I guess.

Now that the weather is warmer the trees have plenty of leaves so I feel like I'm hidden from view. Hopefully, a hunter won't spot me grooming myself like a hog in the sun. I can't verify the safety of birds, though. There might end up being a bunch of retina-scarred birds around the little house in the woods.

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