Monday, May 6, 2013

Them ain't paper towels, they're made of chail mail!

Paper towels are the most wonderful invention. They're handy, compact, and they get the job done. The problem is getting them out of the dispenser. There are multiple dispensary misfires and each one is equally frustrating.

The first malfunction involves the need for one solitary paper towel. You pull the dangling towel and 3 or 4 come out. The dispenser is almost empty so there's nothing to hold the towels down and you end up getting a handful. If you try to cram them back up into the holder they stick to your hands because they're wet. Or, they just keep falling back out of the hole because you can't get them to lay flat. Nice going, Ms. Anti Greenpeace!

The second kind of malfunction again involves the accordioned paper towel kind of dispenser only this time, it's so full, you can't pull any out. You tug and a small corner tears off and that's all you get. Or you tug and 8 towels pull out in a compressed clump because they're packed in so tightly. There's no cramming the wasted towels back in the dispenser because there's no room.

The third type of malfunction involves those crazy auto magic eye dispensers. You know the kind - where you wave your hands in front of the dispenser and a pre-measured length of paper erupts from the machine. Yeah, only the all mighty seeing eye is blind. So no matter how much you wave nothing happens. You look like a total spaz yelling and waving your hands at the dispenser. You probably also bob and weave around the thing thinking that it will help. Don't deny it; you know you've done it before. And why don't they adjust the length to give you a little more paper? One spit isn't enough, two is almost enough and three is too much! You're back to square one as far as ruining the environment goes.

I know that I'm an "adult" but I must admit that I've punched a blind magic eye once or twice. I"ve gotten so frustrated I figure if it can't see me waving my hands or bobbing and weaving, maybe it'll feel me punch it in the face. Take THAT Nazi paper towel dispenser!!! Punching the metal accordion style dispenser doesn't really do anything but hurt your hand and maybe dent the container so that the paper towels are even harder to get out.

If someone was smart enough to create post-its or the interwebs there's got to be someone out there who is smart enough to create paper towel dispensers that don't make you want to go all Mr. Clean Apeshit on it. Someone get to work on that, will ya?

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