Friday, July 13, 2012

Just driving along then....

It's Friday the 13th, one of my favorite "holidays." I usually have good luck on Friday the 13th.

This morning driving in to work, I stopped at a light and just as I took off I heard a loud buzzing sound. The kind of buzzing that a large, flesh eating bug makes. I could hear it flitting around and buzzing and I could almost hear it's large pincers and biting jaws snapping, too.

I am sort of a bug wimp. I don't like them. I can handle teeny weeny baby grasshoppers that are smaller than a quarter because their killer fangs aren't developed yet. I can handle spiders that are the size of the head of a pin who don't have developed killer fangs. I can tolerate crickets a little bit. I can even stay still when a butterfly lands on me. I didn't used to be able to do that but I can now because I'm bug-brave. But when a bug gets into the car all bets are off.

I don't think that I could remain calm while driving while there was a bug in the car even if I wore something like this:

Just hearing a bug buzz around my car is cause for extreme terror. Since I was in heavy traffic at rush hour I couldn't speed across 4 lanes of traffic to exit and vacate the car as quickly as possible. I had to remain calm and fight my way to the correct lane so I could turn off of the road and exit the car (screaming and slapping at any bug that might be within 200 miles of me). I managed to pull into a parking lot without crashing and I got of my car in record time. I opened all of the doors and took a cautious look at the interior - all the while waiting for a fatal bite on my jugular vein. When I noticed that there wasn't any blood gushing from my body, and I noticed that a swarm of killer insects weren't flying out directly at me I began to relax a little bit.

You can bet yer britches that I made absolutely sure there weren't any insects in my vehicle. I even looked under the seats! I'm sure I looked really cute bending over to see under the seat with my hiney shining for everyone driving by to see. Hey, I probably made every one's day, showing them that beautiful view!

I finally decided that nothing was going to kill me on the rest of my drive in, so I rolled up the windows and closed all of the doors and took off again. For the remaining 2 miles to my office I drove with one eye on the road and the other eye on the rear view mirror - looking for a rogue bug. Every strange sound I heard made my skin crawl and set off a new round of leg swiping and frantic look around. I was never so relieved to get to my office. I'm safe for now, until I have to get back into the car again to drive home. I can't decide whether to ride home with all of the windows open or not because you never know; that bug might have hidden really well so it could plot my demise while I was at work. It's probably cleaning it's pincers and sharpening it's fangs as I write this. Wish me luck. Oh, by the way...if the bug is still in the car and if it kills me while I'm driving home, I want blue flowers at my funeral.

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