Wednesday, April 4, 2012

I flunked the blood test

Being a good citizen and all, I volunteered to donate blood at our company's blood drive. I made sure to drink plenty of beer the night before to sterilize my cells and I made sure to have a Breakfast Jack with hash browns and 4 cups of coffee for breakfast so I'd be all full and have plenty of pressure in me to push that blood on out of my veins. I was stoked to do good for my fellow man!

I'm so special, I have a medical port in my chest which makes taking IV meds much easier and can also be used for drawing blood. The unfortunate thing is that lots of medical personnel won't touch it with a 10 foot pole. Or needle as the case may be. I guess there's some additional training that goes along with accessing it, or some yay-hoo filed a lawsuit because a nurse popped their fake boobie or something. All I know is not many people will use it to draw blood.

I tried to bribe the blood donor vampire by offering two pints of blood for the price of one if he'd poke me in my port versus trying to find a vein but all I got was the following look:

Don't those guys have a sense of humor????? Guess not. I didn't have to worry about it anyway because when they did the little finger prick to see if I had any blood in me, they told me I didn't have enough iron in the blood I have so they sent me packing. The offered to let me have a free t-shirt and the obligitory cookies and juice but I didn't feel like I had earned all of that loot so I declined.

I was really let down that I didn't get to be of help. I hate being stuck in the arm but I do like knowing that I can do something that will be of help to someone I don't even know. I was told that I could eat meat for dinner and avoid the 4 cups of coffee in the morning and try again which is exactly what I'm going to do. Hopefully, I'll have enough iron. If not, you'll be able to hear me crying 2 states away.

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