Monday, April 9, 2012

Am I Ms. Jekyll or Ms. Hyde today?

Lately I haven't been feeling like myself. I'm usually fairly happy go lucky, quick with a joke or a prank and I hate for people to see me if I don't have a smile on my face.

But I think something is going on up in my pea-brain and I don't like it one little bit.  Either I have a brain tumor, or my meds are waaaayyyyy off. I vote for the meds. I got off of one kind of med because I had gained 50 pounds and turned into a slug before I realized something was amiss. I spent a week & 1/2 weaning off of that horrible stuff and was really excited to begin my new wonder drug because my energy went through the roof (mania) and I felt great. I was even more excited when my appetite went kaput for 4 whole days. Maybe that 50 pounds was going to start melting away because I was feeling and looking like a dang heifer.

Last week I started noticing that instead of looking like the girl above, I was looking and acting like this girl...

Puh-leeeeze! People couldn't ask me how my day was going without me bursting into tears. I spent one day hiding at my desk, crying at the drop of a hat. As soon as I'd get the snot wiped off of everything and re-paint my face I'd burst into tears all over again.

Slowly the tears receded and were replaced by fury. I'm talking about seething, want to kill and maim fury. I had so many visions of repeatedly punching people in the face while I was talking to them I was starting to scare myself!

I'm not joking when I say that I wanted to hurt people. I really, really wanted to beat the ever lovin' crap outta someone. In my defense, an abnormaly large amount of stupid people crossed my path. And I had a couple of people do some shitty things so I had good reason to want to knock them around a bit. But not to the extent I was feeling. I had to remove myself from the general public for fear that I'd go off on everyone and cuss them out. Or throw a stapler at their head. Or sit in the middle of the floor and scream and kick my feet and shred paper and spit and have myself a good old temper tantrum.
Now I'm sort of in the middle. I might want to cry, I might get really mad, really fast or I just feel numb. Sorta dead inside. I think I need to go visit the shrinky dink again. Surely I can't be coming off those other meds, can I? It's been 2 weeks since I've been off of them. All I know is I sure hope I don't kill anyone. And I hope I stay married 'till I get this mess figured out.

1 comment:

  1. meds can be so tricky to get tuned just right for your own body. i hope you get them straightened out before you do anyone bodily harm.