Thursday, April 5, 2012

The difference between me and the home makeover sissies

Here's a little breakdown showing me the differences between my mad home makeover skills and those of the home makeover sissies you see on TV.

The Namby Pambies VS   Me

Clears the entire room before work. Who wants to move furniture twice??? (Dummies)

Puts down protective floor covering. I’ve got a strip of tarp about 2 feet wide. That’ll do!

Wears mask to protect lungs from potentially harmful dust and asbestos and stuff like that. A mask? Are you for real? My face will sweat! (cough cough)

Has all the necessary tools at the ready. Why drag out the whole toolbox when I'm trying to save my strength? 

Has a work plan prepared ahead of time. I’ve got an idea. That’s good enough.

Has an annoyingly sunny disposition and never gets bummed. I start out happy. Sometimes I might get a little discouraged and cry for a while but I always get back to work. It might be a week or 3 but I get back to it.

Never gets hungry or thirsty. Hey, I think it’s important to have beer(s) while you’re working to keep the creativity flowing strong!

Has 42 production assistants. SHUT THE FRONT DOOR! If I can't lift it or reach it, it isn't getting done because it's just sweet little ol' me doing the job.

Anyone who has ever read my blog knows that I am a little... challenged in the home improvement department. I have the heart and desire of a lion. And the muscles, stamina and attention span of a gnat. My latest home improvement project - the removal of wallpaper and texturing of said wall has lasted for more months than I care to admit (6). BUT!!! (cue the hallelujah song by Jeff Buckley) the wall is textured. Yes, you heard me right, it's done.

Luckily, I narrowly avoided the high cost of a divorce lawyer (because I almost kicked Mr. Man to the curb...forever) because the project finally got to the point where I can slap on paint and call 'er done. The prep work passed his demanding expectations, it was done correctly and you know what? The "new" wall looks like all of the other walls! It's a perfect match! It looks good!

And you know what else? I've watched those home improvement shows and have seen the wonders that they work on a room but I've also seen the whoopsies that the producers don't want John Q. Public to see. Stuff like paint runs or things that don't match up exactly. And you know what? MY wall is perfect. No paint runs, no messy matchups, it's perfect. I didn't have assistants and I DID make 286,321 trips to the garage to get things I needed. I wasn't always cheerful and I wanted to do things half assed about a zillion times but I employed Mr. Wonderful to make sure I got 'er done right.
And you know what? I DID! Done! Finished! Kaput! Now, what's next?

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