Wedgie!!!!!

Ya know what's bad about gaining a little weight? Your undies don't fit right. They start to pull at odd angles, and they creep into places you don't want them to. It's pretty uncomfortable and you can't go for long without um, ahem, "adjusting" them to make them more comfortable. Let's face it folks, at least once in every one's life, the dreaded wedgie has occurred.

When I wear my undies, I want to look nice and smooth like this picture shows. The sad fact is that I'm not 22 any more. And there aren't too many smooth places on me anymore. Some people think that thong underwear are gross. They give them names like "butt floss" but I think they're great. There aren't any panty lines showing on the backside of my slacks. Nosirree. If I'm wearing my Wanks, they look even smoother although, there's a ridge around my upper mid section where extra "body" has been shifted.

I know you were all dying to know what my preference for underwear was. I bet you probably want to know my trade secrets for removing wedgies without bringing attention to yourself. It can be done, you just have to be sly about it. One of my favorite methods is the 'rearrange your skirt while yanking' trick. This involves grabbing the back of my skirt while hooking one of my fingers onto the offending piece of fabric, and giving it a brisk shake. It looks like I'm fluffing my skirt. I think.

Another trick is to remove the wedgie while standing up from a seated position. You've gotta be smooth to pull this one off. You can't grimace or lean to one side. Just pull and stand in one fluid motion. It works, trust me. Be careful doing wedgie work when walking down hallways in office buildings. Many buildings these days have security cameras everywhere. You might think you're alone but trust me, big brother is watching. Stealing your trade secrets on how to remove a wedgie. Probably posting on the web about how to do it. I'm just saying..........

So ladies and gents, I hope I have broken the social stigma pertaining to wedgies. Everyone has them, everyone yanks now and again. Unless you are going commando. Then you have to deal with zippers and things...getting in the zipper.

( For you "There's Something About Mary" fans, Beans and franks!!!). That's another story that I can't comment on . I'm not even going there. Good luck.