Tuesday, December 13, 2011

So Sophisticated

I'm such a sophisticated little filly. Wait, scratch that. I am not a filly. I'm a classy broad full of wisdom. See? Don't I look sophisticated? I did that with one of those web cam photo extras. It's goofy and scary at the same time. It somehow singles out your face and weaves it into a body and before you know it - presto changeo you're a wizard.

Or how about this one...
Look Ma...I'm riding a roller coaster and my forehead is 73 miles tall! I look like I have some facial disease! I mean, they picked a really pretty girl for the still photo and made me look like a man. Wait!!! I just noticed that those are man hands. I'm rather mannish! If you think this one is bad, look at this one...
I'm such a little angel. That's the closest I've ever come to being holy in my life. I take that back, I was pretty holy the night a guy put a gun to my head then shot it inches away from my face. I was praying like there was no tomorrow, so I guess you could say I was being holy but I wasn't dressed like it. I was being holy while drinking tall boys and smoking.
Look at me, I've got a little halo and everything. How sweet.
In actuality, knowing that you guys are going to see me looking some of my worst I'm starting to do this a little: I get the nervous sweats. Do you? I'm sure my face turns red, too. I'm careful about 99.9% of the time to make sure my hair is combed and I've got my warpaint carefully applied before I leave my house. I want to look nice for John Q. Public. I never know when a famous rock star might see me and be instantly infatuated with my look and want me to join their band on a 90 city tour across the United States. It could happen. I know lots of musicians. And I sang backup on some songs with friends who had a band. I was good! And look at what I was wearing! Who in their right mind could resist a chick that had a jacket like that one?

Well, you've just seen the tip of the iceberg with regards to my personalities. I'm like Sybil except that she's a lightweight - I've got way more sides to me than her. Keep on reading and I'm sure my other sides will shine through. That, or you'll see a show about me on PBS some day where white coated experts try to explain how one person's mind can be so complicated. It'll be a real gas.

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