Wednesday, January 9, 2013

Oh, my holy hell!!!

Well, I've officially lost my mind. I have Alzheimer's, I'm sure of it. I also suffer from absentmindedness, scatterbrainedness and ADHD plus 15 other letters. I'm cer-tee-fiable! Why the self diagnosis you ask? Because I lost my wedding ring. I have turned my house upside down looking for it and have found nothing but cobwebs, fur balls, grass, hunks of dirt a shoestring and a piece of cat food but no ring. And I am about to shoot myself for it.

This is my ring. Honkin' big, right? How could a girl possibly lose something so beautiful?
 I admit that I'm a slob but I keep my messes in central locations, usually in piles. I always put my keys in one of two places and if I take off my ring, it usually lands in one of 4 places because I know how I am. But apparently, I didn't.

I took kidlet out for a night of blues music and I had the ring on. When we got home I took it off but I don't know where. I even had my kid help me remember our exact steps when we got home (because she drank Dr. Pepper not beer like me) and she couldn't shed any light on things. What the hell could I have done with it?!?!?

I'd like to say that I'm never quite that forgettable but since my surgery, I have a really really bad case of CRS. I ask the same question 3 times, not remembering that I've already asked it. I misplace things. I have the hugest, nastiest brain farts of anyone i know. Well, those people that I can remember. I left the front door standing wide open because I forgot to close it. I buy food for meals that I'm planning to cook then forget what I was going to cook, and I end up opening the refrigerator wondering why I have a 3 pound leg of lamb in there. I have been forgetting peoples names - some of whom I've known for years!

i can accept most things but losing my prized possession - my big ol' honkin' wedding ring that manchild (who has only bought 1 wedding in his entire 53 years of life) bought me is horrible!! I'm sick. I'm nauseated. I'm banging myself over the head with a frying pan. What if I don't find it? It'll be like the Mayan calendar...maybe the world will end. Oh, silly, stupid, forgettable, swiss cheese brained me!

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