Hiney Ho!

I seem to be the kind of girl who, if anything stupid or goofy is going to happen it’s going to happen to me. I’ve already confessed to accidentally flashing my boobies at a male co-worker which is bad enough but recently, I accidentally took things a step further. Yep, I flashed my ass at work. AT WORK!!!!! I didn’t mean to, it just happened.

I was scheduled to work an event at work and I was going to be interacting directly with our sales force so I wore a cute skirt in an attempt to look nice and professional. I was wearing a really cool Ralph Lauren (I only have one so I’m going to brag about it people!) skirt that’s cut in layers on the bias and when I spin around in circles, the ruffles flutter and look all dancy-like (until I fall down). I get tons of compliments every time I wear my Ralph Lauren skirt and I feel super cute when I wear it. I guess it’s because the layers are cut diagonally or something but anyway, lots of times I feel like it’s on crooked. I can feel the diagonal layers. I’ve managed to sort of get used to the crooked feeling but I always do a double check swipe to make sure the skirt falls the way it's supposed to.

On this particular day I made a pit stop in the ladies room and did what you normally do in there, washed my hands, sang a song really loud to hear the cool echo effects, tried out a few dance moves in front of the mirror and did a cursory glance to make sure my skirt was down. I then proceeded to walk down the hall and through the office for a good 250 feet before a friend stopped me and asked me to turn around and let her check something. Do you know what that something was that she was checking out?

MY ASS!!!

My skirt was tucked into my undies! And they weren't granny panties, either! Nope, I wear teeny little dental floss undies, so everyone I walked past got a really clear shot of my white, pasty, dimpled, cottage cheese ASS!!! OH THE HORROR!!!!!!!!!

I was MORTIFIED! I mean, if I had a firm tight tush like most 20-somethings have it wouldn't have bothered me. I might have been a little proud but I don't. I have the ass of a 49 year old, fairly sedentary lazybones! It's not pretty.

I had a horrifying thought after it was all over. What if I had been with the sales force, happily shooting pictures when I realized my skirt was in my undies? How embarrassing would that have been?

Picture this...me, with my hiney hanging out among 350 glamazon beauty sales ladies, telling them to work it, pose nice and all that.  My butt would have provided additional lighting for the photo shoot! They wouldn't have been smiling because they sold lots of product, they would have been smiling because there was a big, bald, dimply elephant ass in the room! Oh...my...GAWD!

Luckily as I made my way back to my desk after being alerted to the fact that my butt crack was visible for everyone to see, I had to laugh out loud because it's just the kind of thing that happens to me. I'm the office joker YO! One other stroke of luck is that the dude I accidentally flashed my boobie at didn't witness my HEIL HINEY. That would have probably sent him right to his grave.