Wednesday, October 31, 2012

Dang, that was BAD!

No one likes getting bad news. No one likes pain. No one likes being in pain and getting bad news about the pain. That's me. I've been having an epic pity party for the last couple of days because I'm in pain and in order to maybe help fix the pain, I have to do something that's gonna hurt like holy f***ing hell first. That's not something to get all excited about.

I psyched myself out for 7 days over the test I was scheduled to have, only to learn on the afternoon before, insurance might not cover it. Test cancelled. I should have been happy that I didn't have to go through such a horrific ordeal but I was pissed. This was the test that was going to determine if the cause of my pain was relatively easy to fix. But I didn't get to find out.

I went to my surgeon to tell him that I didn't have the test and he offered to do the same thing right in his office. Why didn't he tell me that before??? Granted, I would not have the benefit of anesthesia and it was going to be twice as bad but sheesh! I am so desperate to get answers, I told him to go ahead and do the test sans anesthesia. He had me lie down on the exam table and rubbed a teeny bit of ineffective numbs-it on my back and told me to get ready.

Now, I've had multiple injections in my spine and I can tell you that even with proper medication, it hurts like a mother f%^#&er, so I knew that this test in my spine without proper medication was going to be a hum dinger. And it was. Since my doc had a needle that was about 5" long, and since I knew that he was poking around my spinal cord I knew that no matter how much it hurt, I could NOT move.

Somehow I managed not to move my back but my feet came off of the table and I think that my toenails curled around themselves about 25 times. You know how doctors offices have paper that covers the exam table? Well, I balled that paper up in my fist so tightly, it was like a freakin' brick! I tried my best not to yell because I didn't want to freak out the patients in the other exam rooms but let me tell ya...It might have sounded like we were having sex in my room because all I could do was gasp and moan and "ooh" and "aah." And my doctor is HAWT, yo! If I were not married and I were easier and skankier, I might consider making a pass at him. But not with a 5" needle in my spine for Pete's sake!

Somehow - and I don't know how, I made it through 2 injections without passing out. The coup de gras was when he told me to hold still so he could wipe up the blood before it ran onto my clothes. I had BLOOD RUNNING DOWN MY SIDES!!!! That proves that it was bad! And it proves that I am one tough mutha!

I got my answer and now, I have a surgery date scheduled. I have 22 days to fret about it so I'm sure that by the time I get to the hospital I will be wound up so tightly, they'll have to strap me down just to get me through the doors. The last time I had surgery, I wrapped both arms around my Mom's leg and held on for dear life. The nurse gave me a happy shot and I was still freaking out so badly, she gave me a second. I was loaded to the gills before I even left the prep room. It will probably be the same exact scenario this go around. Mommy will be prying my hands from around her body and then I'll probably grab the closest warm body and cling for dear life to them. I know I'll be OK but being put to sleep scares the holy hell and shit-fire out of me.
Yall wish me luck, OK? Unfortunately, this probably isn't the last you'll hear about this. Bear with me. I'm a tough mutha, but I'm a really scared tough mutha.

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