Tuesday, June 12, 2012


Whenever I go down to the little house in the woods, I marvel at all of the birds and insects buzzing around my car. There are zillions of butterflies and moths and horseflies. For you city slickers who don't know what a horsefly is - it's a fly on mega steroids. A mega fly. A super duper humongous fly and I hate them. They bite and buzz loudly and are generally pains in the keester. They seem to have some way of knowing when my car windows are open because they always seem to enter at their own will to enjoy the refreshing A/C.

Kidlet #2 hates bugs of any kind. Gnats send her into fits of terror so you can imagine what horseflies do. She happened to be with me in the car when a horsefly snuck in and it was pure pandemonium. She was riding shotgun in the front and Manchild was being chauffeured in the back and the fly went to the back (meh heh heh). Kidlet didn't care that the horsefly was 4 feet away from her - she screamed and shook and begged me to stop the car so she could bail out.

Manchild, being the punk that he is simply laughed at her and made annoying buzzing sounds. It took about 5 minutes of riding with all of the windows open, kidlet screaming, Manchild buzzing and me trying not to wreck the car as the horsefly dive bombed me to get the dang thing gone. It was an annoying 5 minutes - let me tell ya.

At one point during our weekend we had 2 horseflies in the car at once. Things were much much worse. Kidlet was screaming, Manchild was buzzing and flapping a towel around in a vain attempt at knocking them down and I was cussing a blue streak for everyone (including the fly) to shut the heck-fire up. Kid Rock was rapping a blue streak the whole time and I didn't have the wherewithall to turn the radio down because there was so much happening at once. I can honestly say that I understand now how a one car accident can happen.

Kidlet asked me after everything calmed down why the flies were called horseflies. I told her because they tend to hang around horses and cows and that I thought that sometimes they got their jollies terrorizing humans, too. I might just have to get a tazer and zap those suckers the next time they get in the car. I can see it now...picture a serene evening with a country road and a lone car slowly rolling along. Now picture and imagine hearing blood curdling screams, loud buzzing sounds and seeing the car light up from the inside with an intense white/blue light of a tazer and the the car slowly rolls off into a ditch because the driver tazered herself while trying to get revenge on a horsefly.

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