Tuesday, July 19, 2011

Stingin' Lizards

Today I'm writing in red because the subject just makes me mad.

In Texas we call scorpions "stingin' lizards." You've got to get the slang just right. There is no "G" on the end of stinging. That's why I wrote it the way I did.

Before my family could move from the big city to the country, we had to have a place to live. So my parents got together with a home builder and had him make us a really nice house. It was in what used to be a field, so all of the varmints and bugs and snakes got displaced. In the evenings, Dad used to take us outside to the side of the house and we'd search for scorpions crawling up the wall. One of us kids would hold the flashlight so we could see and Dad would use his pocket knife and when he'd find a stingin' lizard, he'd cut that suckers tail off! You see, the tail is the deadly part. It's got a really nasty stinger on the end of it and if you get stung you'll know it. It hurts like holy crikey! He chopped lots -o- tails at that house.

Sometimes the stingin' lizards would get into the house. It was always a wise idea to check the floor and your bed to make sure there wasn't one of them waiting to sting you. In our house we had a fairly large game room. As a kid it looked to be at least the size of a football field! One day, I was in the game room and I noticed a stingin' lizard in the doorway. I was a good 100 yards away but the sight of it made me freeze. Like a dummy, I stood rooted to that spot, unable to move or breathe or cry for help and I didn't move until that dang ol' stingin' lizard made it all the way across the floor and under my foot! Of course, as soon as it was right below my arch (a really soft, tender part of your foot in case you didn't know,) I moved and sure enough I got stung.
RUDE BUG!!! Owee yeowee...it hurt so much!

I had lots of stings over the years but the one I watched coming right at me was the dumbest one. On a side note, my brother who always said he hated me and wanted me to die, got stung too. Apparently, that particular stingin' lizard wanted a good nights sleep so it crawled up in his bed and stung him right in his ear. HA HA I'm glad it stung him. He was a meanie to me.

To this day, I cringe when I see a stingin' lizard. I hate them. They're mean.

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