Wednesday, October 5, 2011

Visits to my fears

I am afraid of the dark. I'm not sure why, but I feel much better when there's a light on. I've been afraid of the dark for as long as I can remember. I can't put my face up to a window and look outside if it's dark because I'm afraid the boogey man will pop up. I can't look into a mirror in the dark because I'm scared I'll see the devil (some stupid game I played as a young teen that stuck with me I guess). I've written before about how I grew up in the country and was always fearful of a killer coming from the highway onto our land and killing us. So I've had lots of practice being a scaredy cat.

When Mr. Wonderful and I were dating, I'd go visit him at his place which is way out in the country. I was too scared to walk from the car to the house without having a light on. Heck, if he weren't close to me, I would get scared DURING THE DAY!! He reassured me hundreds of times that there was no one around to kill me but it didn't help.

One of my favorite things to do of all time is burn stuff. I love having bonfires. I can sit around a fire all day and all night as long as I have wood to burn. At the country house, there were enough woods around to never have to worry about running out of fuel for the fire. In the early days, I would be too scared to walk in the woods at night for two reasons. First, it was dark - a killer was probably lurking. Second, there are bugs in the woods and I don't like bugs. So I'd have to settle for any wood I could collect during the daytime.

Eventually I got a bit braver and with the help of a super bright flashlight, I'd venture into the woods. I was still extremely wary of being attacked by either a killer or by bugs. Later on, I got wise and obtained a pair of clodhopper boots so I could tromp around and not ruin my shoes AND if I encountered a large bug I could stomp them. A hoodie was nice, too because I could pull on the hood and not worry about bugs getting in my hair. Nothing helped with the fear of killers.

I've been going out to the country for almost 4 years now and I can tromp through the woods without a flashlight. I don't even freak out if I hear something scurrying around; I know it's just a critter. A killer would make a lot more noise than that. I still have trouble being out there by myself but I guess that will come in time. In the meantime, I feel more comfortable having my manchild around. He can play super hero and rescue me if there's ever a need. Besides, I could beat them up with the flashlight pictured above.

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