Wednesday, August 17, 2011

Sprinklers Tickle Me and Other Things Do, Too.

I think I do weird stuff. For example, I love to watch lawn sprinklers. I don't care if they're the stationary kind or the kind that jumps across the lawn and rat-a-tats back to it's original position, or the kind that just sits there and sprays as far as the water pressure will make it spray. I just like watching the water droplets fall. I can watch a sprinkler for hours. It makes me feel peaceful.

I like to pick out as many colors around me as I can see after a rain. The colors are more vivid. I can see 30 different shades of green by looking at the trees and grass. I see multiple colors in the sky - blue, purple, gold, pink, white. It's a great way to center yourself and calm down because looking for alll the different colors forces you to slow down and focus. Try it some time. You'll see what I mean.

If a storm is approaching, I don't run for cover like the weather forecasters suggest. I head outside and watch the colors of the sky change and watch the trees whip side to side, and smell the ozone in the air. Storms make me excited, too. It's like the electricity in the air and barometric pressure make my body react. I'd be a great storm chaser. Except that I'm not very patient.

When I was in my 30s, I thought I wanted to work in physical therapy doing wound care. I was a tech and worked with a therapist who trusted me to help her with wound care. I loved to dig and cut and pick at wounds to make them heal faster. It sounds gross, but burns were particularly interesting. It was cruial to get off all of the dead skin to avoid infection and help the wound heal. I would have been a great surgeon. Except that I couldn't pass all of the science classes.

I like to do wierd art and I usually have about 5 projects going on at any given time. In the winter, hanging out with my beloved manchild in his shop, I noticed that there were lots of dirt dauber nests. Yankees call them mud daubers I think. Here's how it works: The flying insect works up a good wad of spit and works it into the dirt creating mud. It then takes it to it's desired nest spot and creates an intricate honeycomb type structure and that's where it lays it's eggs. I guess they're kind of stupid because lots of times they forget about them and their precious babies dry up and fail to thrive. That's where I come in. I remove the nest from it's location and using a very high tech tool (the concrete floor), I scrape open both ends of the nest, remove the crusty babies and make the whole structure about 1" thick. What's left is a lacy, honeycomb structure made of very fine dirt (minus the dauber spit). Then I put the structures in a shadowbox and hang it on the wall. Sounds gross but looks really cool.
Another favorite art project involves taking glass heads - sort of like the foamy kind you put wigs on excet it's glass, and I make flower arrangements in floral foam and mount the foam on the head. It's a flower arrangement head! See?

Because I'm a bit cash strapped I make cheap art for the walls. In the bathroom, I got photos of items you'd commonly see in a bathroom and I make pictures of them. A whole collage of ordinary items becomes art!  I'm going to do the same thing in the laundry room and dining room. I'll try to remember to post pictures when I do because you're gonna be totally amazed at my awesome creativity (cheapness). In fact, I'm headed to the store today for frames. Get ready.

I'd like to say that I experiment with cooking, too but I don't. When I don't feel like cooking, I think of myself as a mad scientist. I pretend that I'm rearranging molecules of stuff into something really tasty. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. As a young girl I tried to help my mom by cooking dinner. I had a can of lima beans and didn't know how to spice things up so I added cinnamon. That was an epic failure. I still get kidded about it to this day. But hey, I tried.

I like using power tools and attempting to build things. Most things I build are not at all useable. One leg of a table might be shorter than the other. I wouldn't dare sit in a chair I built. Basically, all I really do is cut wood and drill holes and attach things together but nothing ever really works. The thought just dawned on me that maybe all I really like doing is using the power tools. Yeah, that's it! I did make one thing that worked out pretty well. A home addition led to an upstairs room that I wanted to make really unique. I didn't want a traditional handrail so I borrowed my brother's welder, found a metal supply shop, bought a really cool piece of metal and made my own handrail. You'll probably never ever see another handrail like it. My brother ended up giving me the welder because I had so much fun with it. One of these days, I'm going to make a big iron sculpture for my yard. It's going to be epic. I could be a really great sculptor if I had the time. And metal. And patience.

But WAIT! This isn't about art projects, it's about weird stuff I like. Let's see, where was I? I like doing really horrible-on-purpose Photoshop pictures. It thrills me to no end to make a picture that looks so fake, there's no mistaking it that it's fake. Sort of like the old timey space alien movies. I get a kick out of that. See how cheesy this looks?

One of my favorite bloggers likes to sing like Ethel Merman. I like to sing like I'm really on stage. I pour my whole heart and soul into it. I even use props to make it seem like I have a microphone. After I finish the song, I have a private dialogue in my head where my fans compliment me. I bet I would have been a great singer if I could carry a tune or had a good voice.

I like to call people by the wrong names. Or better yet, I like to make up names for them. I have a friend Pam. I call her Pamelina. I have a friend named Anita. I call her Anita Bonita. And Becky? She's Becky beaucoup. If someone is introduced to me as "Steve"; I call him Stan on purpose. It's just what I do. Everyone has a name other than the one they were given at birth. It's fun to watch them look confused. It's fun I tell you. Stan

I like being different. Anyone can be normal and like normal things. What makes me special is that I make things like dirt dauber nest art, and call "Steves" - "Stan", and add cinnamon to lima beans. I like to think that my friends like me because they never know what I'm going to do, or call them, or build, or make, or sing. I'm just plain weird old me. And that suits me just fine.

Love,
E-Silabet

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