Friday, August 7, 2015

Redefining



I've been in an unconscious process of figuring out who I am and what I want out of life. I'm normally a pretty happy go lucky, go with the flow, easygoing kinda gal but lately I've noticed that I've started questioning everything and everyone around me. I've questioned my parenting skills, my relationship with my spouse, wondered if I'm happy with my job, thought about what friends I have...everything! And it's sort of driving me a little crazy.

Growing up, I used to be one of those kinds of people who could not stand being alone. I would date people I knew weren't right for me just so I'd have someone to be with. I'd be friends with people who weren't nice to me just so I'd have someone to be with. After being by myself for a few hours, I'd almost go into a panic. Move forward many years and I think I've figured out what caused my issues. When I was young, I lived in the country with no friends nearby. I felt very lonely the entire time I lived there. I think that's why as I got older, I was determined never to be alone again. Once I figured that out, being by myself was much easier. I still don't like to be alone for long periods of time, but I'm much better at it than I used to be.

Throw on having kids and a job and responsibilities, and alone time is beginning to sound a little better. I still don't like extended periods of being alone but a day or two is actually quite nice.

Does this mean I'm growing up?

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