Thursday, August 6, 2015

A Leg Up...Or Off

I've had an offbeat sense of humor my whole life and I'm dang proud of it. My sense of style and decorations are a little odd as well. I like that fact that anyone can enter my home and find a treasure trove of odd/interesting items. 

A few years back I got the idea in my head that I wanted an artificial leg. I'm not sure why - I just thought it would be funny/interesting.


A relative got wind of my crazy idea and informed me that she worked at a VA hospital, and had found a discarded leg in a storage closet. She got it for me and for a time, I had a thigh high artificial leg complete with old, saggy sock and clunky man's shoe. I kept the leg in various places around my home as a twisted, demented "decoration". 

My nephew (who is more twisted than I will ever be) spied the leg one day and asked me to borrow it. Since I wasn't actually using it, I agreed to let him take it for a while. I found out later that he would put himself in a public place, wearing the leg, and purposely "fall" and have the leg skitter across the floor. He did this prank in a Wendy's hamburger joint and at the entrance to a grocery store. He used to have the event on film but I can't seem to locate the videos any more or else I'd show you. Suffice it to say that he got lots of strange looks from people around him when he'd fall.

As it usually goes when you loan something to a young person, I never saw my leg again. An artificial leg people!!! How does something like that get misplaced????? Anyhoooooooo, once my leg was lost, I never got another one. My brother attempted to give me a leg up (get it? har de har har) by procuring a plaster mold for a future leg.


I drove the iron pipe into the ground in my garden with the plaster "thigh" up in the air but it never looked very artistic to me. It looked phallic. Like a big ol' white pecker growing up out of the ground. I kept it around for a few months but I never warmed up to it so I finally sent it to the giant plaster factory in the sky. My brother offered me another leg mold but I figured it would probably look like the one I had so I passed on the offer. I've got to give it to my bro - who on earth would think to look for leg molds for his kid sister like he did? That's what makes him so special. And wanting a leg mold OR an artificial leg makes me kind of special, too. 

The leg phase is over. Now, I prefer to place actual sized heads (practice dummies for haircuts) in various places to startle people. I even have one at work. But that's another story for another day.



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