Manchild and I went to the town closest to the little house in the woods to do a little shopping. As we were going down the road, we had to swerve to avoid a big ol' redneck truck that had abruptly pulled to the side of the road. It wasn't a big deal until we went a short distance and had to swerve around another redneck truck.l Then we had to avoid a car or two.
What in the cat-hair was going on?!? We were already used to lame-brained drivers who drove as slow as molasses, avoiding farm trucks that looked like they were about to self destruct, tractors driving down major roads holding up traffic, and the occasional stray mutt trotting down the street but even this stuck us as odd.
We started paying closer attention & noticed that nearly all of the cars on both sides of the street were stopped with the exception of a long line of cars rolling slowly in the left lane. My man bellowed "what's wrong? Is there a funeral or something?" And then we saw the hearse. The rednecks that we had cussed were simply stopped to show their respect, not to read the days cattle feed records.
Shame on us! Mr. Man quickly stopped and waited for a few minutes until his hunger got the best of him and forced him to drive to the nearest eatery. It would be horribly disrespectful to blast past a funeral procession so he simply turned on his headlights, squeezed into the line of cars and became a participating mourner.
He pulled us in to the funeral procession! 'What the hell are you doing!?!' I shouted and I was told that at least the funeral cars were rolling so we'd just roll on with the rest of them. We'd mourn and claim the deceased as on of our own until we got to the nearest Whataburger.
I kept waiting for the inevitable lightning bolt to strike us down for being such disrespectful Southern sinners but it never happened. We peeled out of the procession and went into Whataburger, ate our food and never even "accidentally" choked.
I'd be curious to know what all of those mourners (who happened to be black) wondered about a couple of white crackers randomly joining their procession 1/2 way through the route. And then left the group to get burgers and fries.
This story horrifies me and yet I find it oddly hilarious. Who in their right mind would feel that it's perfectly OK to join a funeral procession solely for the purpose of shaving 10 minutes off of their drive to get breakfast? My man, that's who.
I wonder if anyone ever went to hell from sin by association. Because if so, I had better get myself some flame retardant undies!
It's been really hot here in Texas and after an evening of working in the yard and grilling while it was 103 degrees outside, I was a hot, sweaty stinky mess. I decided to make use of my super awesome redneck swimming hole (which takes up my entire back patio) and cool off a bit. At first I was going to get in with all of my clothes on but the kids were gone and Manchild was in the office working on the computer and the only one that would see me was the dog so I decided to go au natural.
Boy oh boy did that water feel good! It was a tepid 90 degrees or so, there was a gentle breeze blowing, the stars were beginning to shine in the sky, I could hear birds chirping and I was in heaven floating in the water. The picture above is exactly what my pool looks like. It's 13' wide and 33" deep which means that if I lay on my back in the water, I've got about 4-5" clearance between my bum and the bottom of the pool. It's not exactly designed for diving under water. I can fully submerge myself but my "buoyancy properties" (AKA - FAT) make it hard for me to stay under.
I was happily swimming in circles when I noticed that my pup was looking into the house with her ears perked up. That could only mean one thing...someone was entering the front door which just so happens to have a straight line of sight to the back porch. Where I was swimming. Nekkie. Great.
As it turned out, it was my oldest kidlet returning home with her boyfriend in tow! I can guaranteed with 1000% accuracy that a 21 year old young man does not want to see his flabby 50 year old (maybe future mother in law) girlfriends' mother swimming in the buff. No way, no how. Luckily, my girl had spied me outside and made a beeline to the back door to see if I was swimming in the buff (she's got me pegged, doesn't she?). Her inquisitive look turned to horror when she saw what I was doing. I haven't seen the girl move so fast as she beat feet to her boyfriend to steer him to a portion of the house that had no view of the patio.
I slogged my way out of the pool and dried off then slinked through the house wrapped in a towel so I could throw on some clothes. The funny thing is that once I emerged with clothes ON and I greeted the young man, the fact that I had been skinny dipping didn't seem to phase him at all. I guess he's been around me long enough to know that I'm going to do some pretty crazy/stupid stuff. The abnormal is my normal! I'm just grateful that he didn't see anything but the top of my head while I was swimming and that he didn't have to gouge his eyes out with a spoon to get the vision of naked me out of them.
