Guitarded!

I know a person who is guitarded. I mean, he's got it BAD!

He keeps a guitar in his office. He has guitars scattered throughout his home. Any time someone stops by long enough to take a few breaths of air, the guitar comes out and he starts strumming. I think he got inspired to buy (and maybe learn how to play) a guitar when he was on a trip. He saw a dude strumming and singing and thought it was cool that he was getting all of the attention from chicks. So he decided to become "that guy" who could strum softly and sing soulful songs that would make him appear to be a cool chick magnet. Chicks would dig him, guys would want to be him, he would finally be cool!

So he got a guitar. And then another. And then another. And then another. And then he decided everyone in his family wanted a guitar too so he got one for each of them.

He has an impressive collection of pretty, somewhat expensive guitars. So now he researches guitars. And he looks at pictures of guitars. And he watches YouTube videos about guitars. And he watches YouTube videos about how to string guitars, and how to adjust the sounds on guitars, and how to tell a good guitar from a bad guitar and he's learning how to somewhat dismantle one. That inspired him to  shave the bridge part that holds up the strings. Then he monkeyed with the fret lines. Then he monkeyed with the strings some more. Then he decided to do even more work on it. I'm sure it sounds more like a sitar than a guitar now.

Now another thing about Mr. Guitarded is his playing style. There isn't one. I've never heard more than 5 notes played in succession. I've heard a couple of chords but that's about it. Lucky for him, I'm really good at knowing what song is playing just by hearing the first few notes so I know what songs he's rocking out to. I'm not sure anyone else would know.

Since he never actually plays much, he doesn't have string callus marks on his fingers. String calluses are good way to tell how much a guitarist actually plays. His don't look anything like these.

 His look as soft as this..


I'm all about having hobbies and learning new things but this guy seems to be working in reverse. Sort of like a brain surgeon digging into someones noggin then going to medical school. He's altering instruments without hearing what they sound like when they're really, seriously played. If he ever learns how to play he might not like the way his alterations sound and then it will be too late.

His addiction is becoming a problem because that's all he ever thinks about. Work isn't getting done, people are starting to avoid him because they don't want to hear 3 chords played over and over and over and they don't want to listen to a 20 minute discussion about his latest purchase. I'm sure his wife is grateful because he's out of her hair but his 6 stringed mistress is taking over his life. He needs an intervention.

Fat fingered

Anyone who has been around me longer than 5 minutes knows that I suffer from arthritis. Some days I can barely move, other days I can move but random body parts won't work, and most days I walk like an old, old, old woman. Lately I've been having additional trouble with my fingers and toes. They don't want to move or bend. Sometimes they swell up to look like little sausages. This is very frustrating because I use the computer a lot for my job and it's hard to type when you've got wonky fingers.

Today the swelling was so bad, I typed multiple letters at once. I messed up so many times the auto correct function started cussing at me. I think it started saying "you're screwed lady". I decided to do some other work until things calmed down but I felt like I looked like I had one of those foam fingers on. I couldn't pick my nose because my finger was too big!

Pintrest shows party treats modeled after my fat finger! I should get paid or credit or something! 

I'm not going to show you my toes. No one should have to see those. Fat, swollen, rigid toes will make you walk funny. Did you know that? I saw my reflection in a plate glass window as I was walking and it was an interesting sight. I was sort of hunched over and was walking on my heels a little bit in an attempt to not bend my toes. I was a sight. Not for sore eyes - I caused sore eyes!

I finally got loosened up by about 2 in the afternoon so basically my day was fairly unproductive. I hate days like that. I would have rather stayed in bed all day long but I figured that I could be miserable at home or miserable at work. And at least I would get paid for going to work which helps me avoid having to eat oatmeal or peanut butter for dinner every night. That gets pretty old. I know, I've had to do it. And my fingers weren't swelling as much back then.