The resume fiasco

Those who know me are aware that I've been trying to find a job for the last 2 weeks. That's a whole story in itself but here's one tiny thing I encountered.

I was going to an "interview" which was actually a recruitment pep rally for a company that wanted people to become insurance agents. Since I haven't been on an interview in 9 years I figured it would be good practice to put my face in front of someone and see how I did. The recruiter had requested that I bring a copy of my resume, so on my way to the meeting I had to stop and get some printed.

I picked a shipping/fax/copy/printing place that looked like a mom and pop shop rather than the big name kind of store and that's where my troubles began. The sweet little lady behind the counter did know what a flash drive was, and she did know how to plug it into the printer but everything came to a screeching halt after that. The flash drive had 4 folders of images and one word document sitting all by itself and she couldn't locate the document.

After about 5 minutes of punching buttons she decided to plug it into the computer and see if she could locate the document that way. The only problem was that she didn't know how to find the USB drive on the computer to even begin her search. I tried pointing out where she might look but things were headed south from the get-go. I eventually sat down at their computer, located the USB, located my document and sending the document to print then...nothing. I made sure I was sending the document to the correct printer, tried again and...nothing.

The employee then invited me to go behind the counter, try the USB on another computer, locate the USB, located the document, verified the printer, hit print and...nothing. I don't know if the computer was hooked to the printer or if the printer even worked - all I know was that I had 4 minutes to make it to the meeting and I had no resume.

I eventually left the shop and went straight to the meeting without a resume. The dude didn't even remember to ask for it when I arrived! 2 coronary attacks in a sub par print shop and the dude didn't even ask for my stupid, unprinted resume!

Lesson learned - if you need something printed for an important meeting, go to a big name, reliable print place. And give yourself plenty of time.

Stall Standoff

When you work in a large office with lots of ladies there are going to be times in the bathroom where everyone has to "go" but no one wants everyone else to hear them. That's when the stall standoff happens. 

Today there were 3 stalls in a row with ladies waiting to let 'er rip. No one wanted to be the first so there was a period of time where no issued a peep. Or poop. You could have heard a pin drop in there! I heard grumbly guts because so many people had to poo and they felt like they couldn't.

(I figured you didn't want to see a picture of a rancid toilet)

I think by now everyone knows what a courtesy flush is. But if there are multiple ladies lined up in stalls it would seem a bit obvious to hear stall after stall firing off the flusher over and over. Thankfully, pooping in the bathroom isn't as taboo as it used to be with the invention of products like Poo-pourri, V.I.Poo, Just a Drop and others. Heck, you can find tons of information on Google that discuss why poo smells bad and multiple ways to fight the odor. And yet the stall standoff continues.

If there were a voice over of the action in that room it would have gone something like this:

In stall 1 we've got Sloppy Sally. She's holding tight, not willing to break the seal.

Stall 2 is showing signs of life but Smelly Samantha is trying to hold off as well.

Stall 3 has Horrible Hagatha who's rustling paper to cover the sounds of impending doom.

Wait, there's a plink in stall 2 and stall 3 just issued a courtesy flush. Stall 1 remains silent.

There's a sniffle from stall 2 and shuffling feet in stall 3. Stall 1 is a real warrior - she remains silent.

What's that? The bathroom door opened in it appears that 3 more ladies are walking in together.

The fog emanating from stall 1 indicates that a security breach just happened. Oh, and stall 2 just let loose, using the arriving ladies noise as cover to pound the porcelain. Stall 3 falls in quick succession but the overall noise dies down just in time for everyone to hear the great grunt. It's all over, people. 3 kerplunks have successfully landed thanks to ambient noise but the smell gives it all away. Ordinarily, there would be a photo finish to determine the winner but who wants to see that?

Now don't act all disgusted like you don't know what I'm talking about. I'm sure all of you reading this has been in a stall standoff at least once in your life. Maybe some of you own a bottle of Poo-pourri and have used it. While it helps preserve the noses of other people it won't hide the sounds of plops and drops. Maybe, all bathrooms should be equipped with a loud white noise machine so legions of ladies would not be subjected to having to hold it in until the bathroom becomes vacant. But then again, if the white noise was loud enough, everyone could unload and get away with it without being embarrassed. 

Yes, this is a problem that's plagued women for millennium. I'm sure Cleopatra had to wait for her ladies in waiting to leave the loo before she felt comfortable going. It would be much easier if we were more like men. I think they pride themselves on the volume and duration of their expulsions. It's like a sporting contest form them! In this day and age of gender equality I don't think women will ever strive to match men on their anal achievements. Ever.