One is the loneliest number, sort of

One is the loneliest number, sometimes.

Due to layoffs at my dream job, I was forced to find a new job. I took the first offer that came along because after 2 months of looking, I had no good options. I wound up in an industry I know nothing about, nor am I interested to learn about it. I know what I’m doing but it’s not what I want to be doing. I want to be doing what I used to do but I lack the confidence to go out in the job market and say “yes, I am a print production artist” even though I did that kind of work for 9 years. So, I got myself in a position where I make money and I have insurance but honestly, I hate it.

I’ve been at my new job for almost 3 months. In that time I have had 2 people ask me about me – my family, what part of town I live in, what I do for fun, etc.. TWO people. The person that hired me left the company a month & ½ after I started working here so I’m sort of in limbo. I have plenty to do but I’m not really attached to any one person. I’m sort of floating until the position I was supporting gets a warm body in the chair.

The industry for my new job is very analytical and numbers oriented. Privacy is the first thing they taught me when I had my orientation. Maybe that’s why no one has tried to get to know me. They’re all privacy Nazis! All I know is I’m lonely here.

I know this is not the job for me because I start counting the hours and minutes before I can leave as soon as I clock in each morning. That’s a bad sign. I’ve had numerous people tell me ‘oh, it’s much easier to find a job when you already have one’ and that’s true but when you’re new, time off is not in abundance so how am I supposed to interview when I don’t have time off? And there’s that nagging problem I have of zero confidence. I’m afraid that I’ll find a job where I’d like to work and my employer will find out I’m incompetent and will fire me. Then, I’ll be back to square one, scrambling for a paycheck. The thought of being without insurance and a regular paycheck is terrifying. That’s probably just a big a problem as me not being confident.

So, what’s a girl to do? I guess I’ll keep slogging along at my current job and save as much money as I can for a while and keep searching on the side. Instead of having a Jolt cola, I need a confidence cola!