Invisible

I am invisible.

Not by choice, but because I feel that no matter where I am, people don’t even notice me.

I take my time at home dressing, fixing my hair and applying my makeup. I want to look nice when I go out. When I am pleased with how I look, I head out into the world – optimistic about the events that might unfold.

I’m surrounded by people - and yet I feel like I’m the only person in the room. I watch life go on around me and I very much want to be a part of it but quickly become crippled by sadness because I feel like I don’t matter.

Friends and family comment on how funny and witty I am but all I see when I look in the mirror is a defeated, lonely, unlovable, pathetic person.

I want a loving partner. Someone who adores me as much as I would adore them but I’ve tried the marriage merry go round twice, and twice I was emotionally abandoned. I guess it’s not for me. Even though I want for it to be.

All of my family members have loving spouses. All. Of. Them. But not me.

I know you are supposed to love yourself before others can love you but I honestly do not think I will ever find someone to be my reflection.

Why you might ask? Because I am invisible.